Dogtags Of Athos
by taladyvet
Summary: Where one sees guilt, the other sees remembrance Set After The Kindred, Parts 1 and 2
A/N - This is my first fanfic/story/drabble ever and hopefully (!) a pre-story to something I've been working on for way too long. UPDATE – a reader (OMG! I have a reader!) gave me an idea to 'fix' and expand parts of this one-shot. I admit that I also felt it 'just ended' rather awkwardly, and I hope that the tweaks I did are okay, although I think I may have overdone it. As always, suggestions, corrections, etc., are all gratefully accepted.

Set after Teyla returns to Atlantis with Torren, it references the episode 'The Kindred Part 1 and 2'. I always felt that Major Lorne carried around a mountain of guilt no matter where he went, and in my little 'verse, hoped that not everyone saw him as a magnet for failed missions.

(please see my profile for some notes)

"Doctor Keller reminds me of my sister because she looks like my sister, and my sister is also a doctor."

Teyla tilted her head as she stood in the messhall balcony next to a seated Major Lorne. His leg, encased by a brace, was propped on a chair as he gently cradled Torren. She knew of the rumors that he blamed himself for her kidnapping, but she knew that the only one to blame for her kidnapping was Michael.

Major Lorne then calmly looked up to her, gratitude in his pale blue eyes, "But you, when I say you remind me of my sister, it's for how you are like her. Smart, brave, calm; a great mom even when everything around you is in chaos. My sister lost her husband in one of our never-ending wars back on Earth right before her second son was born, and still finds peace in her world. Again, Teyla, you remind me of her."

"I am honored." Teyla responded and smiled as Torren had looked up to Lorne with wonder in his large brown eyes.

"Plus…" he almost shyly added, "…the two of you have really cute kids…"

Teyla watched the Major as he cradled her son, the look on his face one of peace as he murmured to the baby. Other than instances where they socialized for official functions, or worked together when the teams paired up during rather tense situations off-world, she considered him more of an acquaintance than a friend. In all the years she had known him, she had never seen him lose his composure, even when in the throes of Kirsan fever and stims. Not for the first time she wondered why such a gentle man would choose the military as his life.

She had also heard John call his team 'Lorne's revolving door', where members joined the team, barely lasted an offworld trip or two and then headed back to Earth. Some were unable or unwilling to stay in the Pegasus Galaxy, and if the rumors were correct, the remainder of Major Lorne's teammates returned to Earth wrapped in a body bag. Some of those rumors came from Rodney, who often competed with John when labelling the teams, and he would make remarks about 'Lorne's Red Shirts'. It had taken her longer than she cared to remember, watching old Earth-created television shows, to realize what Rodney had meant. And in doing so, remembered that she had lost count of the number of times she had witnessed Major Lorne walk alongside one or more of the metal boxes that contained remains as he returned with them to Earth.

But he wasn't able to walk anyone back when he was extracted from the collapsed building along with John, Ronon and Rodney. When she returned to Atlantis, Teyla discovered that Major Lorne's last team all died when the building where Michael had held her captive had come down around him and Rodney. Unlike John, who Rodney claimed had the healing capacity of a cat, whatever that really meant, Major Lorne had been shuttled to Earth when infection set in and had complicated treatment of his broken leg.

Teyla knew that the pain of losing her people would never end, but she could also imagine how hard it must be for Major Lorne to feel similar pain seeing almost constant loss with his own team, to feel the helplessness that came from being unable to protect those that he was tasked to lead. She was lost in her musings as she realized that Lorne was calling her name, and when she subtly shook her head, looked into ice-blue eyes that were concerned.

"Teyla, are you alright?" he had asked.

"Yes, Major Lorne…"

"Please, call me Evan." He softly interrupted her, "Off duty, holding your baby, I'm Evan." He had turned his head down to focus on Torren's little fingers as they grasped at his dog tags, gently pulling them away as the baby tried to pull the metal pieces to his mouth. But she did not worry about Maj…Evan. His voice was soothing as he spoke to the child whose chubby hands were tugging on the dog tags.

Evan shifted in his seat, and then held Torren a little bit closer as he cooed to the baby before he reached across the table and pulled out a small package from the messenger bag he had brought with him. The brace that held his leg immobile also meant he needed crutches rather than a cane to get around; he was too stubborn to use a wheelchair. He had planned to catch up on reports as well as look through jackets for new team members, and needed it to carry his laptop.

"I was planning to stop by your quarters later this morning to give you this…" He looked up, and with a silent, almost pleading look, he held the small cloth-wrapped package to her. "After…after you were…I went back to M2S-181, to the village of Croya to try to find any clue about where you…I headed back to the market and the shopkeeper gave them to me. Well, remember that nice woman? She had the shopkeeper give them to me."

After a second of hesitation, Teyla reached for the package, the cloth warm from the computer it had nestled against. As she unwrapped it, she took in a slight breath.

Items from her people. She remembered wandering the marketplace with Major Lorne before coming to the merchant dealing with trinkets, recognizing the items even a world away from Athos. Teyla did not hold back the small whimper as she lifted the cover of the simple box, and with trembling fingers held up the small pendant that had graced beautiful Balera's neck, one of the Athosians she knew she would never see again. The small gem glinted in the morning light, and Torren turned his attention from Lorne's dog tags to the glittering jewel.

"You found them…" she whispered, then looked into the box, "…there are more here than I remember…"

"The trader didn't lie about where he says he found that necklace. When I was able, I went to a site…" Evan started, "There are some other items, Teyla..."

"You found more?" Teyla whispered. A tear fell unbidden down her cheek as she slowly dropped into the seat next to the Major's encased leg, the pendant clutched to her chest. He had dipped his head again as he reached back into his messenger bag, pulling out two suede pouches, then quickly pushed the older, larger one back into the bag before placing the newer pouch next to the box.

"There wasn't much left, Teyla, I am sorry." Evan whispered, his hand still resting on the pouch as Teyla brought the small box closer to her.

The trader claimed that he found the box of jewelry in a large mass burial ground and had given them a Gate address before he and Teyla had been picked up by a Wraith Dart. Wracked with guilt, Evan had avoided Teyla's teammates, commandeered a spare Puddle Jumper during a graveyard shift when the Gateroom was quiet, and headed to the planet. Finding not one, but a disturbingly large collection of burial mounds, Evan had scoured through the mounds for close to two days before returning to Atlantis with the Jumper's aft compartment filled with collections of discarded items since he had only a vague idea of what he thought Athosian items would look like.

By all accounts Evan should have been court-martialed, or at the least been declared AWOL since no one knew where he was. He returned to Atlantis well-prepared to face the wrath of Colonel Carter and Mr. Woolsey; even Colonel Caldwell, a man who was a former CO as well as a mentor, was involved via radio in the debate about his future and what charges could be considered. As for Sheppard…he remembered the Colonel's cold glare as Doctor Weir told Teyla's team about her kidnapping. It didn't take a lot for Evan to realize that he would not be the first choice to accompany Sheppard's team to search for Teyla; he had actually breathed a tiny sigh of relief when he returned to find out Sheppard had already begun his own search for his teammate. Evan already had his bags packed, fully aware that he might not have any future in Atlantis or even the military until the items he had brought with him were all identified. Sadly, all his efforts just emphasized the number of peoples that Michael had poached from their worlds as most of the items he collected were not Athosian.

"There wasn't much left…" Evan quietly whispered again as Teyla methodically pulled out the items from the box, lining up the small pieces on the table top, her fingers gently straightening out the links and setting the rings and pins on their sides. A beautiful leather strap, intricately tooled, was laid out alongside some of the larger chains. An intricate broach shaped like a feather and covered with beads was settled with the pins.

Teyla's heart was pounding in her chest, her throat tightening as she brushed her fingers over the items. Now believing that her silence was a cover for her anger at his proof that her people were gone, Evan silently held out Torren for Teyla. Knowing that he would not want anyone holding his child had the situation been reversed, Evan suddenly found himself with both Teyla and Torren sitting on his good leg.

Teyla looked at the small items as proof that her people did exist, even if in the past tense. They were proof that they would be remembered, and she vowed to tell her son the story of each item, to keep her peoples' lives from being forgotten. Her free arm wrapped around his neck in a fierce hug, Teyla pressed her face close to the Major's cheek, and her voice filled with emotion, she whispered into the man's ear.

"Thank you."

"I am sorry that I couldn't find more." Evan whispered back, only vaguely aware of the scene they must present as he glanced through the glass wall to the messhall.

Oblivious to the reddening cheeks of the man, Teyla sniffed, and then sitting up, picked up an item. "I thank you for bringing these to me, to my son. They are reminders of my people." Evan nodded as Teyla carefully stood up from his lap, then leaving Torren still in Evan's arms, sat in the neighboring chair

"Balera was so proud of this necklace…and this pin, it is called a 'harndleza', a clasp that one wears when participating in a harvest festival…goodness, this is the bracelet Charin presented to her niece Bitha when she was selected to the council…" and slowly her words faded away as she continued to touch each item.

Her fingers swept over to the suede pouch, and her face tightened up in a dry sob as she opened the pouch and allowed the contents to spill out in a colorful pile. Colorful strips of dyed leather, braided in intricate long chains were straightened out, small charms and beads looped into the knots and through the braids. Evan watched Teyla, a bittersweet look on her face, as she carefully straightened out the pendants and leather strips, laying them out in a row along the rest of the Athosian jewelry.

"I put these in the pouch because I planned to untangle them, I just never had the time and I was afraid of breaking some of them…" Evan pointed to the leather strips as Teyla picked up one, a sad smile on her face.

"These are called, in the old Athosian tongue, 'Romthus'…they are worn by all Athosians. The charms and jewels and beads denote our family lineage." She held it up, and pointed to each charm, "Each one is unique to a family; they tell who you are descended from, your name, your place in your tribe…"

"Like our dog tags." Evan's voice was solemn, "Except our just lists name, rank and blood type."

"But just as important, Maj…Evan…" Teyla interrupted with a gentle smile. She rested her hand on her chest before reaching into her shirt and pulling out the simple pendant. "I always have mine with me, but once I decided to remain in Atlantis and Halling became the leader of our people, I removed some of the markings. Mine simply reads that I am the daughter of Torren and Taggan and while I am Athosian, my home is now Atlantis…" she pointed to several different colored stones and a silver coin-shaped charm in the shape of a horse with wings.

"Is it okay of I ask you about some of the Romthus…" Evan started, and then bowed his head, "sorry, I know it's…"

"This one is for Telem, the daughter of Genfy and Massia…" Teyla began, a gentle smile on her face as she reached for a surprisingly gaudy Romthus, many of the beads looking as if made by someone who was not trained. She gave a short laugh, "She was a teacher, and all the children in our tribe adored her, yet was adamant that she did not want children of her own since they were, in her words, 'very noisy, one cannot sleep with one nearby'…"

From the messhall, John sat at the table his team had long commandeered as their own, one seat notably empty. While Rodney typed furiously on his laptop, muttering under his breath, and Ronon methodically devoured whatever mystery meal the cooks had decided to call breakfast, he watched as Teyla lifted several of the charm necklaces Lorne had brought back, her face animated as Lorne easily shifted Torren in his lap. As the doors to the balcony would slide open to allow people on and off the balcony, he caught short phrases of their conversation…

'...my first CO also had that idea that we…Halling was bested in a foot race against a…there was no way he was going to let…I believe she was the first woman to bring down a fully grown…'

John picked up his coffee and inwardly decided that he finally loved his SiC, and not just because Lorne did all the paperwork. He hated to admit that the lion's share of Atlantis' losses were faceless names to him. It was partly self-preservation after losing Ford, then Elizabeth, then Carson. It was also partly because Lorne did most of the work to bring fresh teams to Atlantis; it was Lorne who prepared most of the condolence letters, both military and civilian, for John to read and sign, and Lorne escorted most of them back home. The relationship, if it could be called that, between him and his SiC had always formal and sometimes tense, Lorne's by-the-book demeanor sometimes conflicting with John's by-the-seat-of-his-pants actions, and John admitted to silently blaming Lorne for not taking better care of Teyla.

But now…it was right that Lorne and Teyla were talking. Lorne was doing something he had no clue how to start; to talk about people who were no longer around. John watched as Teyla held up more of the charm necklaces, Lorne patiently holding a now sleeping Torren in his arms, the same gentle but somber look in his face as Teyla's. Lorne knew what they meant, John mused, Lorne was aware how important the small trinkets were to Teyla. And had the patience and compassion to listen to every story behind the items.

Because John knew that Lorne kept a copy of every set of dog tags that he carried back to Earth. He had come across them years ago, when the Genii had faked the deaths of Lorne and his team and John had taken it upon himself to pack up Lorne's items to return to Earth. John remembered sitting in the Major's sparsely furnished quarters, a small collection of dog tags on his lap. That collection had grown into a pile of dog tags in the ensuing years, and they had their own suede pouch that Lorne carried with him everywhere. A pouch that Evan brought back out of his messenger bag as he traded stories of remembrance with Teyla.

End

(maybe…)


End file.
